How are you?

                          "How are you?"

                    "Yeah, good thanks, you?"

Scratch that, my reply is more like;

"Yeah good, I've just made a scale model of the London Eye out of lollypop sticks for homework for one of the kids, you know, how are you?"

It's easier for me to deflect that to truly say how I am. It often is. I think in my head I'm asking, does this person have time to listen to how I really am? Do I have time to listen to how I really am? 

When I was freelance a popular session that I did was building communities online, drawing on the work of Dr Lou Mycroft . The thing people would always want to talk to me about after the session was what to say instead of "how are you?". In the session I talked about how you have to be prepared for the responses when you ask "how are you?" and if you don't have time to listen, don't ask.

I went for coffee this week with a friend who I shamefully haven't seen face to face for 2.5 years. (Agree that the full 2.5 years aren't my fault) For the past 2.5 years her replies to my "how are you?" messages have been "yeah good, you?". But this week she opened up that she's been in a fertility struggle all that time and it's been tough. I shared that another of our friends had gone through something similar, she didn't know. Next week the 3 of us are meeting so those two can share. Afterwards she text to say thanks and she was sorry for not opening up sooner but it was easier not to. I let her know that I am always here for her responses and she doesn't need to hide from me but that I get it. It's easier to say that we are ok and save those painful things for quiet moments.

I went to a presentation evening for one of my kids sports teams and a mum arrived heavily pregnant. She was heavily pregnant I remember from the last presentation evening but then I also remember that I've not seen her baby. She shared that they had lost that baby. So when all the other parents had been asking in the WhatsApp "how is everyone" it was easier for her to chuck in a 👍 and we would all move on.

If we truly want to know how someone is, we need to be prepared to listen to their responses. As painful and upsetting that might be for us, we have to have that openness to listen and show that we care. Otherwise "how are you?" is just a token, it's meaningless.

Weekly, I meet online with a bunch from #JoyFE (open invitation to everyone, DM me to know more) and our opening question is "how are you?" and it's here my answer this week has been

"I'm not feeling great, docs have done some tests. My 41yo cousin died and I only lost my 34yo cousin 3 months ago and whilst we weren't still mega close it's hurting, you know". 

This is where my online pals learn more about me than anyone else, because part of the Thinking Environment that this meeting is held in is that it's ok to not to be ok, there is time and space to be honest about how you are feeling. That's the difference of a Thinking Environment. 

Please check out the brilliant Thinking Cultures for more on the Thinking Environment and to book CPD for your teams, Dr Lou Mycroft is my go to expert on this.

I'm not against asking "how are you?" I think we should probably ask it more. But I do think we should mean it when we ask it and be ready for the response that comes our way. 

Wishing you a restful weekend. 

Hoping you are well.

Genuinely, how are you? DMs open 

Edtech and me

I write this as I am being nominated for an award (see this link)

I think it's important to remember where you came from and those who shaped your path, always. This might be an individual award (and I may not even make the shortlist) but recognition for others who helped me, is deserved.

Back in 2015 I took a break from FE for maternity. I returned in 2016.

What followed was a year of me finding my feet. Literally.

I was told that we couldn't use memory sticks anymore (hello 2016!) And that all my lessons were on Google. I'm not joking, that was all I got from the Google expert in my team! After a day of googling, 'where are my transformations of shapes lessons?' and crying I asked my husband if I could buy a Chromebook. No, I didn't need his permission but yes, having returned from maternity and having zero money of my own, I felt that I should. I spent £149 on a Chromebook and vowed to teach myself how to create lessons in this Google thing.

Welcome Johnny Diamond and Steve Hope to the frame. We had never worked together before but they said to everyone at college, if anyone could make good, maths lessons in Google for education they would reward them with money! When my child was at nursery and I had TOIL owed for evening classes, I wrote. When I got home early from the traffic and my child's nursery was paid for another hour yet, I wrote! Boy did I write! I wrote 30ish lessons, all original material for GCSE maths. What a learning curve. I included #Equatio (handy given now that's my actual job!) I wrote robust multiple choice quizzes with Equatio in Google Forms. I wrote full sequenced lessons on Google Slides, all original materials including diversity and inclusion examples as well as British values. Like I said, I wrote!

My motivation for this was purely financial, to earn the £149 I had just spent back, if I am honest! But this learning experience was to kick start a chain of events. On that same £149 Chromebook I became a level 1 and level 2 certified educator in Google for education. I was determined to teach myself!

My approach with EdTech is always, what need is it serving, does anything we already have serve that need, what else do we need to make this the best solution ever? This approach often means I stay in my lane.

Steve Hope saw something in me. Something. I don't know what it was, and we are still very close and I could ask him, but I don't need to, because I don't think it matters what it was. I was a nervous maternity returner but he saw me learn this Google thing, write all those lessons, teach across multiple campuses, all with a small child in tow. I didn't work for Steve, yet, he included, encouraged and supported me.

2018 saw another maternity leave. The day of my 12 week scan I interviewed for Steve for an advanced Practitioner role. I went for my scan, came in for lunch and the tried to appear 'normal' for an interview, this is not a recommended approach! Steve offered me the job and didn't bat an eye when I said I was pregnant again. That whole convo will stay with me forever. He genuinely didn't think it would affect my role, I have to be honest aside from 5 months fully away, it didn't. I also became a Google for education certified trainer in 2018. That Google thing that I had been determined to teach myself, I now had qualifications in it and could train others. 

In the months before my leave Steve brought Iain Thompson on board who was (and forever will be) my rock. We were a brilliant team. We still are, just it's a friendship team not a work team! Whilst on a KIT on maternity Steve asked me to apply for APconnect. I did (in a park mid baby feed via my phone!) When I returned to work in 2019 my focus was to get up to speed with what I missed on APconnect and lean on Iain Thompson. I relied on him. We went to an event and we met Lou Mycroft. I was back on track with my APconnect work. AP connect, did that, it connected me to other APs nationally to learn and grow with. 

2020, you know.

It was only recently when I said it out loud did it sink in. 2020, Iain, Steve and I supported over 1000 staff who had over 10000 students with all their Edtech needs as they taught online. We did this remotely in our homes, me in mine with a baby and a child in reception which meant homeschooling too. I don't think I can ever fully explore the feelings of that period, it was tough.

When it got really tough in summer 2020 I remembered Lou from APconnect offering us to reach out when we needed, I have no idea why this popped into my head when it did but I am grateful that it did and I found the ideas room with JoyFE. JoyFE gave me that peer support to test Edtech ideas on, we did Flip birthday cards for each other!

2020 I applied to be an innovator as part of the Google for education programmes. To my surprise I was chosen as one of 75 of the many who applied. I think everything until this point shaped things but this event changed things. I met  Ryan Evans here and just like I would be lost without Iain, I would be lost without Ryan too. There isn't a week that goes by without me needing advice from Ryan. We pushed, and still push, each other with EdTech, that critical friend that drives you on and always has your back, that's me and Ryan!

2021 I left working for Steve. I was now self employed trying to carve a path on the noisy world of Edtech and consultancy. In comes Jamie Smith and Ian Nairn. Late 2020 we began discussions and it was to be that I would have a regular self employed gig with C Learning working on exciting new products (AI/XR) coming to market as well as CPD for colleges and schools on Edtech. I was unknown to them, they took a chance. I vividly remember the day I finally said out loud that I was going to go self employed and that I was nervous. Jamie asked what's stopping you from doing it, and I said nothing, I won't let my family starve. That saying it out loud conversation was a massive moment.

2021 I was named Edtech50 (mind blowing). It also saw me be a Google Certified Coach (very early doors as in one of the first 2 in UK and Europe). Then mentor other cohorts through my gig at Canopy. Grateful for the work from canopy through this period too, consulting with colleges and local authorities on Edtech. Throughout all this self employed period, I still thought an evening class of GCSE maths every week, I loved teaching. How could I help people with EdTech if I hadn't used it myself? My classes also appreciated me staying in my lane, too much Edtech can distract from what we are here to learn. 

I have to mention my 2020-21 GIFs work. In my teaching I had a lot of students struggle with lack of access to internet and data. They had other financial struggles too and safeguarding referrals were regular but data and device access directly affected their learning. I built a short CPD course on how I turned to creating GIFs to bridge that gap. I delivered this to colleges and schools and recorded it and it's free on Eduspark. Hat tip to Eduspark for bringing me in early doors, supporting and believing in me.

Another regular gig in this period was APconnect itself. APconnect is run by Touch Consulting. That wonderful programme that had shaped me as an Advanced Practitioner, I now worked on. This was down to Joss Kang and Lou taking a chance on me. Here I got to hone my Edtech in a different way. Outside the Google for education eco system and support APs nationally.

2022 I decided to take a job, gigging had been fun, a blast! Texthelp had a role that I had seen advertised before and I decided the timing wasn't right. When I saw it advertised again I felt the timing was better for my family. And here we are.

I think whenever we are recognised as an individual it is really important to also recognise who helped make that individual. Hat tips throughout all of this long blog because I owe so many people for helping me learn and grow.

Owning the title former teacher

Rather un eventfully I left teaching April 2022. I don't know what I had planned for the event but it ended up being an email to senior leadership saying enough was enough. Truth is, I probably, had left the classroom long before, I had done a year as a zero hours evening class teacher, before that I had done 3 years as an evening class teacher on secondment. Actually the last time I think that was a 'teacher' teacher was probably 2017. When I shared with pals that I was leaving (for good this time) I shared that I felt a bit of a fraud having only been a zero hours teacher for a year. That in my head, because I wasn't working all day every day in the classroom I was less of a teacher. There were some interesting debates with friends. Some took the view that I was still putting the same love and attention in to my one class and having wider impact with my other work, some dismissed the idea saying once a teacher always a teacher, some said think of the ones you have taught.

I debated all of this and some! Why did I have this dilemma? In 2018 I became an advanced practitioner, a teacher who coached other teachers. To keep me fresh I still taught one class a week on an evening. That's the beauty of FE, there is always an evening class that needs a teacher! The plan for this was that I would practice what I preached to the teachers I was coaching and they could observe me anytime doing all the amazing things I was coaching them through. This meant that I should have been putting Ofsted levels of planning into that 1 class a week. Let's be honest, I wasn't. I had a lot on in my other role, and whilst these lessons were well planned, they weren't gold plated. The theory was also that I would still be viewed as one of them, one of the teachers that I was coaching, on their level, I could say, "I get it" 

I would like to apologise now to those teachers who I coached and who I said this to. Whilst I 'got' teaching and learning, and I still do, my one class a week was not significant enough for me to position myself with other teachers. Truth, most of my week was spent training, coaching and mentoring and very little time went into my alleged Ofsted level planning. So I wasn't the same, I wasn't in the team meetings hearing the same messages, I was an outsider parachuted in to cover that evening class who left after class. I wasn't there when someone had to cover reception at the community site. I wasn't there when they had a deep dive by SLT. I wasn't there when there was an attendance problem with students. No doubt I was having impact across larger teams in my role, my role was enjoyable and I saw progress with my coachees. But I was not a teacher the same as them, had I exited the classroom?

Let me tell you about being a zero hours teacher. No, it's not the same as being employed. The Christmas just eat voucher that HR give out from SLT is only for employees, not zero hours employees. The well being day that you can take is only for employees, not zero hours employees. The payroll who can, and do, kick back your time sheet and don't pay you because of a typo when you are zero hours. Yet employees who are salaried are always paid. All of this breaks my heart for others who are zero hours. My situation was very different. I had my own self employed work and was financially stable. I genuinely was still teaching for the love of teaching. It certainly wasn't for the salary. The salary was 50% less than my salary when I was an advanced practitioner and I know (and appreciate) that the zero hours pay I got was very generous too. Again I know how fortunate I am that I was able to combine my love of teaching with my self employed work. Fortunate that circumstances worked out and that I had my reputation from being an advanced practitioner as well was there being an evening class that always needed covering. 

Now, this past year as a zero hours teacher has been wonderful, in my virtual classroom. I have had such good times with my students. I have adored almost every second of it. I have enhanced my teaching digitally in a flipped/asynchronous style. My students have their work up front, at the start of the week, the morning after their evening class. This is a form that branches out depending on their responses. If they're ok with the topic (these are resitters) they get some questions, if they need help they get a video from me or another one I have curated from YouTube. My students have a choice of how they learn and when they learn. I think of it like each chalk and talk episode I would do in the classroom is a form, with a task built in for them to complete. The tasks are all self marking and then I ask for a student reflection on how they felt that it went. Each episode is linked together in one overall doc and if this is complete before the end of the timetabled class they are marked positively for attendance.

I have blogged about this before if you want to learn from my years 1 and 2 iterations here (link1 link2 link3 link4 link5 link6 link7). I then host a workshop live in the timetabled slot. This is shorter than the timetabled class as there are bookable one to ones as well on offer. If the forms are complete it is optional for students to come to the workshop. This also means that if students have ignored my work and attend live they can get the gist of what's been going on and return to the work post workshop or part way through too. Some students arrive for 10 minutes ask for a specific example explaining and leave. Some students attend the whole thing piecing together where they went wrong in the forms from their weeks work and some students come some weeks and not others. It has worked for 2 years. I have taught 3 cohorts this way over 2 years. I have done action research on it which I shared at ALT and I was doing more research in it as part of my MA. Obviously I'm not now as I have no sample as I have left! So had I left teaching when I became zero hours?

One student has never attended live apart from mock assessments where they heard my pleas and joined the call live. Every week their work was completed day 1 and the screenshots of their self marking tasks showed it was all correct. Their mock results were amazing, grade 5s and I really should have put them in for higher (but that's a whole other tale). This student also weekly appeared in my emails with negative comments from other tutors, late, no work, poor attendance notifications. These were always followed up by SEND team replies reminding other tutors of this students EHCP. This student had been at college previously and had sat maths and done worse than they had at school. Before I left I asked for a chat with this student. They obliged and on the call they appeared with their parents. Their parents explained that the student struggled with anxiety when on live calls and thanked me for never pressuring them to attend live. I explained my job is to find a way that it works for everyone as much as possible and where I can flex I always will.

FE maths is often the least popular subject in college. The one most students have to do but they really don't want to do. In this example the parent was telling me maths was their highlight. I asked the student why they liked maths and they replied, they don't. They hate it. Standard FE response I thought. They said what they liked was that I was respecting the challenges of the way that they learn and by allowing them to study at their own pace, at home, take breaks, revisit tasks and not be dragged to a live session face to face or online was what they enjoyed. I may have turned my camera off as I may have had a wet cheek from tears at this point. I asked about previous attempts at GCSE, I am always fascinated why it hasn't worked before and how can we make it work this time, it's always a question I ask! The student explained that they had never sat a full exam, they had reacted negatively to being in the exams before and either been removed or left after 10minutes. So the question then was, how do we make it better this time? The student had no answers other than that they would try. I made a promise to try too; to try to get all the forms for the rest of the years topics scheduled on Google classroom before I left. We had a deal. I wrote this before the date of the exam but I have heard from the SEND team that the student is still watching if I will keep my promise of scheduled asynchronous tasks and if so, they will keep theirs and try to sit the exam. (All the tasks are written and scheduled!)

So when did I stop being a teacher?

The other week when I had this call and left my current class. I think I was a teacher all along, just not as in it as full or part time classroom teachers. The level of work is similar but I accept I escaped the pressures of being in the building all the time. Yet the pressures of being zero hours and having to chase emails and attendance in your own time are significant I would argue, but different.

I am not still a teacher, I have now left teaching. Even though my scheduled tasks continue! But I will proudly wear the badge of former teacher, supporting those still teaching where I can!

AP connect and me

Let's start with where I was at professionally back in 2019. I was a brand new Advanced Practitioner (AP) in a large college group supporting teaching and learning with an EdTech focus and was 2 years into the role. Problem was I had taken 9 months off for maternity leave. Work, as in immediate team, had been great, really helped me out. But I have to be honest my confidence was low. Sure, I had become an AP but quickly that impostor had crept in and then I had gone off. I was just coming back and I was asked to apply to AP connect. Detailing my aims for being on the project and how I plan to share my work. That application was a task in itself that took me some serious thinking to do. I remember being in a park with my kids writing it on my phone. The epitomy of mum life.

I was accepted onto AP connect whilst on maternity and when I returned I was asked to catch up. The overwhelm was more overwhelming than an overwhelming overwhelm you have ever seen! I had a frantic call with one of the programme leads to catch me up and as brilliant as that was I was very much overwhelmed. Like I said my immediate team had been brilliant and my colleague invited me in to what he was doing and slowly I was grasping the part I could play. Then I was asked to go to a full day conference for AP connect in Birmingham, not local! I'm not going to lie, the stress of juggling baby, toddler, work and travel meant I was exhausted long before the day! The day came and the most horrendous weather came (people trapped in floods as in trapped in shopping centres) and all I wanted to do was go home. But my colleague was a real pro at managing and helping me through my wobbles and off we went. 

I arrived to meet Dr Lou Mycroft and a hug. A real hug, then and there I could have quite easily broken down and needed a million people to piece me back together. The day was brilliant from then on in. Power and influence analysis of our teams and organisations. How can we, as APs, lead and influence? Where can we research and reflect on our practice or the practice we are observing in others? What are the elements of an AP role? Then I met the thinking environment. Where everyone thinks as equals. Role, rank and ego are left at the door. We used it to explore an issue an AP was having and how we might help them resolve it. It was there, in that moment, that I knew why I was on AP connect. I was there to use my voice to help others, that was my role, and AP connect was giving me the tools to do that.

My confidence grew as I had new tools to adopt when I returned. It grew even more when APs asked for video calls with me to share what I was doing at our college and other APs wanted to learn from us. My confidence grew in that I knew I had a network of people that I could ring and ask that daft question to. The questions I didn't dare ask at work! Also the questions where I could anticipate my colleges response and actually I wanted to know another college's response to use in driving that conversation at work. I began using social media. As a total novice my colleague created a team account for us. Told you he was great at helping me. My confidence was growing but no way was it high enough to do social media, what did I have to share that was of note?

Social media grew and that network of colleges grew. As did my confidence again. AP connect had sparked something in me. Sparked so much that when Google innovator applications came around I put one in, me, I put an application in! I was selected (there were 75 ish globally that year) had I not done Google innovator I would never have ended up working in EdTech as a freelancer and had I not done AP connect I would never have applied for Google innovator! Social media grew again from this and I learned about #JoyFE. I became part of JoyFE. Actually without realising I had met some of JoyFE face to face at AP connect in Birmingham! 

JoyFE is a group of educators changing education, focussed on bringing joy. Weekly, the thinking environment happens in an ideas room. That Wednesday weekly ideas room was the place I could explore some of my ideas, how I wanted to do things at work, and others would help shape and form ideas. Sometimes people wanted to collaborate on ideas and next thing I knew I was in other colleges speaking and or training on maths or EdTech. I wouldn't have been able to do this had I not joined JoyFE and I wouldn't have heard of nor had the confidence to join were it not for AP connect.

We then arrive in 2022 (I feel like 2020-2022 blur and merge for me) and I was taking the decision to leave my college and go freelance. As a nervous soul this was a huge deal. But what I knew was that my values didn't align with the work I was being asked to do. I knew that others valued my opinions externally. I knew that I had changed what I could at college and that I could have wider impact as a freelancer. How did I know all these things? I knew them because I had learned from AP connect about influence and power. I was able to recognise my high influence externally, low influence internally and the power of my college and the limited ability I had to make any more changes. I had learned to find my voice. I had learned on AP connect the power of networks and collaboration. So that was it freelance was the life for me.

Early in my freelance days Joss from Touch Consulting (delivery partner on AP connect) called me to ask me to work with Touch Consulting. Not only was this a yes as it was one of my first interested parties but it was an easy yes as I knew my values aligned. We worked on some projects and I was eternally grateful to be working with a team that held the same values and worked in a joyful manner. Then I was asked to work on AP connect. Me, a graduate of the programme, to now facilitate it. What a perfect circle. I often say AP connect made me, me! I could now share this with new APs.

My mentees were from all over the UK and we happily bundled straight in to easful conversations. I am a person who if a DM comes in I get quite stressed. Yet the DMs from mentees were joyful. Me, they were asking, me for ideas and support. Of course I would love to help. 6/7pm phone calls to help APs navigate tricky situations. Facilitating the Festival Fridays schedule and booking inspirational speakers to share, all joyful experiences.

But this is where AP connect is truly brilliant. What did I learn as a facilitator on the programme? I learned that the stress I feel in time pressure situations dissippates when values align. If what you are doing, is really helping someone, I don't mind if that's taken my evening, made me break off from a project to take a call or led me to an email chain of epic proportions. It doesn't cause me stress when it is helping someone else. I also learned that if you ask, people often say yes. I approached some big names for the festival Fridays workshops and everyone said yes to me. They said yes because they too could see the values of AP connect. The values that everyone is learning collaboratively always.

This year's mentees projects ranged from coaching at work to embedding maths to action research. I adored and absorbed it all! One mentee made specialist resources for students with additional needs. All these APs were, and always, go the extra mile. So it is sad that AP connect has ended, sad that I will no longer be involved, but that is a selfish sad. It hasn't ended as a way of working, networks are established, slack channels are launched, APs want to and will keep connecting and collaborating. APs are still and will continue to drive change in their organisations. Us old mentors are only a DM away. That collaborative rhizomatic way of working continues when values align.

I firmly belief AP connect made me who I am today. Showing me where my values lie, giving me the tools to make changes. Helping me find my voice and grow in confidence. I am very pleased I was able to play a small part this year and set others on this path too. Long live AP connect.

The voice saying no

This week I joined Atul Rana for #MathsChatLive with Mark McCourt, Rhiannon Rainbow and Matt Man. It was a fab discussion that led me to a realisation that often as an FE maths teacher I feel like I don't belong.

When I first started working with La Salle Education on their Tutor programme I was welcomed in wonderfully. That led me to presenting at a MathsConfMini online. Even sat in the orientation a big voice in my head was saying, this is for maths teachers and not for you. Yet I couldn't have been made to feel more welcome or included by the community. When there was a local meet up organised by La Salle I asked permission if I could join as I was in FE. Again the answer was yes and it was almost like it should never have been a question I was welcomed so much. I will just say there are other maths communities too that welcome me in but I thought these La Salle examples thread nicely.

Let's take it back to when I started teaching;

Secondary school teacher - felt like I belonged

Alternative provision teacher - almost felt like I belonged

FE teacher - really started to feel outside the maths teaching community.

Mark McCourt said on #MathsChatLive if you are involved in the teaching of maths, you belong. His words ringing I continued thinking about FE maths as a whole. We have a really strong FE maths community. Be it with individuals, through CfEM or our podcast EM Booth. We are fairly joined up. Twitter has significantly helped me with this and other communities too such as the brilliant #AmplifyFE and #JoyFE.

So is it that we, as FE maths, place ourselves outside the maths teaching community?

I don't think so. Loads of FE maths teachers have shared at maths community events. Brilliant human she is Julia Smith bridges across FE maths and the maths community really well. Emma Bell, also a brilliant human who does this, the list can go on and on. Perhaps it's because there are more secondary and primary maths teachers in comparison to FE maths teachers? Hmm? Don't think so.

So is it that we feel we don't teach proper maths?

Let me explain, we shoe horn a 2 year programme of study often into 1 year. All of this done on 2-3 hours of maths teaching a week. I'm not going to debate the whys and wrongs of the grade D policy in FE but there it is.

Is it that we teach maths differently?

When I think back to year 8 exploring coordinate geometry in my class it was a full 3-4 lessons of work. In my FE class it's possibly a starter. This is not because I care less about deepening their learning but that they have seen it before in most cases. In fact most of my students have sat GCSE maths before, it is a resit class. Not including those students new to the UK who often also have maths qualifications (as well) and may be studying to get UK recognised ones.

The stand out point from here for me is time for FE maths. I promised I wouldn't touch the grade D policy but it's ugly head looms over a lot of what we do. If you don't know FE here is an example of how it works.

You go to school, realise you really want to be a plumber. You get by in school and you leave with a grade 3 in maths. Job applications generally require a grade 4. You enrol at college to do plumbing. You really want to be a plumber. The law is that you have to resit maths until you get that grade 4 or turn 18. But you really want to be a plumber and all of your lessons are in plumbing apart from 2 hours a week where you have maths with the dance students. It's loud in maths and you don't know anyone. You used to study maths every day at school and now you have this one class and some homework. You really want to be a plumber and focus on that, you don't want to fall behind. Slowly without meaning to you've missed some maths classes because you had other priorities. You can see where this is going.

The mix of cohorts in maths classes is different in many colleges. It remains where I teach. The 2 hours a week is about the average I've had on my timetable in all my years in FE. Naturally students express passion for their chosen career path and main qualifications. Maths is an add on to that. It is very much important in terms of future life chances but it's often not yet important enough in the eyes of many young people who have a feeling of failure they carry also from school.

No one likes feeling like they have failed. In truth often students don't fail maths at school. The fact they got a 3 is a pass at the qualification. A grade U is an ungraded result and a fail. There are some students who join us on grade U but these are a minority. Yet someone somewhere thinks that the incredible hours of teaching by brilliant secondary colleagues can be bettered by an FE maths teacher on 2 hours a week. In my experience students need to have to want it to a whole other level than when they did at school. Which some do and it's wonderful.

So maybe it's the competition element that makes me feel like I don't belong?

Is it that I am meant to pitch myself against secondary colleagues. Position myself as better than them. That student you didn't get a grade 4 with, I am going to be better than you and get them to grade 4? Sounds awful, no thanks. Am I meant to blame secondary teachers for handing me so many grade 3 students? As though secondary education is lesser than FE? Ridiculous notion. Saying it clear, no sector is better than another, we are all in it for the same aim.

So I am no further on with why I had this feeling as to why don't feel that I belong. Mark McCourt said if you are involved in the teaching of maths, you are a member of the maths community. 

He means us FE, we are invited too.