Relationships play a key part in what I do. As a professional and as a teacher. What I love is getting to know, and helping people. I recently presented at Canopy Live on building communities online. This is a session I trimmed down from a full day's training that Dr Lou Mycroft and myself offer colleges and schools ( happily discuss more about this with anyone interested, anytime). We talk about the practice of care in what we do and making people feel valued.
Forgive me for forgetting where I heard it, but the saying, you haven't arrived in the room until you have spoken. How do we create that culture of safety for students to feel that they have arrived and able to speak?
In the #JoyFE #IdeasRooms the opening round is always 'How are you?' This is a perfect way to arrive in the space, everyone feels valued, everyone is heard, no pity party is held but pain is acknowledged. And sometimes we need to say we are not OK and for that to be acknowledged for us to start to feel better. yet when teaching, this is a question I tread very carefully with. It is not that my students are worth less than my colleagues who I share this caring practice with. It is that I want my students to feel safe.
We know teenage years are incredibly awkward for many, we have lived them after all. If I were not OK when I was 16 and my maths teacher asked how I was, I am not sure what my answer would have been. possibly, 'yeah fine', and move on to the next person or maybe 'actually I'm unwell and I really need help because I have recently experienced X'. The first answer worries me as a teacher. I want my students to feel that they can talk to me about anything. I really do. How do I know when they are fobbing me off and saying they are fine when they are not? How do I unpick that as a teacher who sees them once a week? But it is the second answer that concerns me most.
A few weeks ago I was teaching online and I asked my students my own version of a question that welcomes them into a space. (Secret revealed shortly, hold on!) In the chat box came all the answers from my students and I commented on them as they came in. Then a student posted, "I've got the rona."
When you ask "How are you?" You have to be prepared for the raw, honest and hurtful response that you may hear. You have asked how the other person is, and they are choosing to share. You can't preempt that response, therefore you cannot regulate your emotions to what is about to come your way. You are open and vulnerable to what is coming, you made your position clear when you asked "How are you?" Whilst vulnerability is brave and respected it is not a naturally comfortable position.
So what did I do with my ill student? I (rightly or wrongly) offered empathy, offered support and offered them a breakout room to chat more. Their reply was "nah, it's just having to isolate that does me in"
What my student wanted was for how they are feeling to be acknowledged, they didn't need any help at that time. It is wonderful that I am aware and I can offer support for them in other classes and check on their health in a follow up message later. But they weren't annoyed at having Covid-19, they were annoyed at having to isolate. This then prompted a lengthy 15 minute chat between students about how isolation was causing havoc with their work and personal lives outside college.
Honestly, as an adult, these were not the concerns that I was expecting. But this is what we do, we expect certain behaviours from students. Prensky (like or loathe the term digital native and immigrant) talks about how teachers need to communicate in the language of students. I struggle with a lot of what Prensky wrote in that piece but I think there is something in our expectations as teachers vs what students reactions. I am not talking about inappropriate behaviour nor refusing to engage with work. I am talking about how we, as adults, think along one path and students may think along another. How we expect students to respond to "How are you?" and how they choose to respond may be different.
So what do I do? I ask a random question that falls into my head. My previous top 10 hits have included asking "favourite sci-fi film?" "Pepsi or Cola?" "Best size of Easter egg?" "Favourite Christmas song?"
What am I trying to do? I am trying to welcome my students into the space by asking an extremely low stakes question. I can then engage with responses and hopefully build rapport. They have arrived in the space once they have spoken. This started off with good intentions and has been well received. So much so that with a returning student (a student who didn't achieve their target grade and is being compelled by law to resit again) said when introducing me to our new class together "You will like her, she asks all sorts of questions to get us going, she is funny like"
